74 Inches of Pure Lady

My mom used to tell me that life didn’t get really good until your 30s. When I was in my 20s, I didn’t understand what she meant.  At the time, I couldn’t imagine life being more awesome. But now that I’m approaching my mid-30s,  I fully understand what she meant.  My 30s have been rough emotionally and professionally but I feel happier with myself than I’ve ever been.  I realized that I spent most of my teens and 20s, not unlike most women, grappling with low self-esteem and confidence issues.    In less than six months, I’ll enter my mid-30s and I’ve never felt more confident.  Most of my life I felt like I got hit with a body trifecta that made me hyper-sensitive and self-consciousness but ultimately for which I am supremely grateful.  There is no way I’d be the confident, happy human being I am today if I weren’t three things: female, Black and super-duper tall. The point of this post isn’t that the key to happiness is being a 6’2″ black woman. Because if that was the key to happiness about 2% of the population would be happy. The point of this post is that there is unquantifiable power and strength in embracing who you are.  I have been discriminated against, harassed, objectified, dehumanized and assaulted based on who I am. But I’ve learned that the problem isn’t me. I’m awesome. The simple truth is that some people are ignorant, some people haven’t met any minorities and just don’t know what they’re saying or doing and some people just plain suck. But, at the end of the day, none of those people’s opinion about me matter. I determine my self-worth.  Continue reading →

In an article in yesterday’s Wall Street Journal, James Taranto explored what he calls a “balanced look at college sex offenses”.  Without outlining the entire article, the main point of Taranto’s op-ed is that women should be held equally accountable for sexual assaults involving intoxication.  The consistent undertone of this article is the fear of false accusations and the ruining of young men’s lives.  Taranto’s main thesis is that if a man and woman are both intoxicated and the man sexually assaults the woman that they are both, in fact, equally at fault.  Taranto explained that:

“If two drunk drivers are in a collision, one doesn’t determine fault on the basis of demographic details such as each driver’s sex. But when two drunken college students “collide,” the male one is almost always presumed to be at fault.”

Last time I checked women do not possess the biological parts to collide into a man but that’s beside the point.  Shitty analogy aside, Taranto’s main point is clear.

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I decided to share the blog and the response has been very positive. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about sharing the following story because it’s a large part of my journey and feels like the missing puzzle piece. I think the story explains my emotional journey over the past five years. I had contemplated sharing the story anonymously or publishing it on a different website. I’ve thought about sharing this story for years but I’ve held back due to shame and fear of judgment. I’ve reached a point in my life where I feel that sharing the story will help me move through the trauma and lift a weight from my life. I feel compelled to share the story now more than ever. With all that has happened in the past year, I feel more destabilized than ever and, oddly, I feel more in control of my life, my feelings, and my emotions when I write and share my story. I wrote the following a few months ago and have sat on it for a while. I’m ready to finally put it out there and move on:

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