Category Archives: Dudes

“So why are you still single?”

I hear that question on a consistent basis. As a “woman of a certain age”, the question has a negative connotation and people often blurt it out without thinking.  The question implies that there is something wrong with me because I’m in my mid-thirties and single.  Perhaps people use the question as a space filler. Perhaps the question is the result of tired and moldy heteronormative and patriarchal tradition that by my age I should be married with children. Perhaps people are just nosy.  Perhaps it’s a compliment because I’m just so fabulous, it’s hard to fathom that I’d be single.  Whatever the reason for the question, it’s annoying, antiquated, and offensive.

And, frankly, the answer is complicated. Or, maybe, the answer is very simple. The answer is: “life happens”. That would seem simple enough but what does that mean exactly? I started thinking about why I was single and made a list.

So…why am I (at almost 35 – ALMOST 35!) still single?

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Guyatus: Over

*Jay-Z voice *

Allow me to reintroduce myself.

I know what you’re thinking. Damn, girl, where have you been? It’s been over six months. Yeah, girl, I know. I have a calendar. Okay let me not be snarky. But, seriously, I haven’t been doing much. I’ve been working, working out, drinking copious amounts of wine and I finally watched all of Game of Thrones (I was able to watch the current season in real time. This by far is one of my greatest achievements).

Essentially I’ve been on “Guy-atus” for nearly ten months. Ugh, I could have had a baby by now, you guys. Just kidding. I’m not responsible enough to be anyone’s mother. Let me be as clear as possible: this was not the plan. I never thought I’d go ten months without any dates. (OK. OK. I went on one date and I keep forgetting it happened. Relax. The feeling was definitely mutual.)

Dating in the 21st century is brutal. And dating as a 6’2” highly educated, super pretty (hey!), black lawyer is even harder (Wait. Was that a humblebrag?). As I tipsily announced in some random ultra lounge in Washington, D.C.: “I’m a unicorn and life as a unicorn is hard.” (I need to get that on a shirt ASAP).


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Be Your Own Prince Charming

When I was 22 years old, someone asked me why I wanted to go to law school. I gave a very lengthy explanation much of which I remember verbatim; however, the final few sentences stuck out to me. At the time I didn’t understand how important the statements were or how true they would become. I said them with all the confidence and naivety of a 22 year old with zero life experience but lofty goals and an idealized notion of what the real world would be: “I’m also going to law school so I can have a career and be independent. I can’t depend on finding some Prince Charming who is going to save and take care of me. I have to be my own Prince Charming.”’

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Guyatus was instigated by recent events. I’m not angry or bitter. I haven’t sworn off men. I’m not building a commune for spinsters. I’m not quitting my job, breaking my lease and moving to Portland. (For example. Because who would actually do that, right? Not me. Hasn’t crossed my mind at all). This last little chapter was important to me. It took energy. I simply need time to process it and to let my brain relax.
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On Guyatus

Something about the beginning of fall feels like the start of a new year. As such, it’s time for a few new (season)resolutions. It’s official. I’m on Guyatus. I’m done dating for the rest of the year and, as such, won’t be writing on the subject for a while.

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Dating Rules Are For Suckers

So what are the rules for dating in 2015?

In the words of Local Natives: “Who knows. Who Cares.” (Don’t get that obscure indie music reference? Well then…we shouldn’t even be friends! Just kidding…you’re the best) In all seriousness, I was having a conversation with a close friend about how all the books and articles on dating had screwed us up. Just a quick search through will reveal that there are an insane amount of books purporting to be the authoritative scripture on dating. As an analytical and practical person, research and preparation seems like the best solution for any obstacle. So I’ve studied up. In the past couple years, I’ve read a few of books and blog posts. I’ve listened to audiobooks and podcasts. And after all of that research, I’ve discovered one universal truth: No one has a damn clue what they’re talking about.

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#SorryNotSorry aka Mercury Is In Retrograde

Mercury is in retrograde. And it’s been a wacky past few weeks. I’m not religious. I don’t read my horoscope. But, based on the last few weeks, I’m beginning to think there might be something to this chaotic time of year. The planet that rules our communication is out of wack and we all lose our minds. We start speaking our truths at inopportune times or acting in ways that are a little out of character. While some crazy things have happened, I have had some introspective moments as well. Jamie Foxx says to “Blame it on the Alcohol”. I say blame this post on Mercury: Continue reading

About A Boy

I started writing on a Sunday afternoon. The temperature was in the mid-40s. It was the last day of May. The sky was cloudy and the air was cold. It felt like the perfect time to listen to Johnnyswim and Houndmouth (look it up people. I’m not your personal Google) and write a convoluted post. I apologize in advance for this one. That apology is far-reaching and even extends internally. I have the sneaking suspicion I’ll be mortified by this post a year from now but, for reasons beyond my own comprehension, I felt compelled to write it. So here we go: Continue reading

Who wants to date the tall black lady?

The answer? Not too many people.

Before I go too far with this post, I do want to preface it with an explanation. This post is not a viral plea for people to flood social media to pump up my ego. I do not truly believe that I’m the most unattractive woman in Chicago but the idea for this post sprang from a conversation I was having with a close friend. I started to wonder if statistically I possessed the least attractive traits for a woman and, in turn, was one of the least attractive single females in the dating pool.

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Taking a Dip in the Online Dating Pool

I put a toe back into the online dating pool and I’m *this* close to tapping out once again. You guys didn’t tell me it was so damn rough in these waters. Online dating apps have not improved. In pure “me” form, I’ve put together a list of why I’m thinking of quitting online dating again after only a couple months. Roll that beautiful bean footage (10 points if you get the reference):

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