So what are the rules for dating in 2015?
In the words of Local Natives: “Who knows. Who Cares.” (Don’t get that obscure indie music reference? Well then…we shouldn’t even be friends! Just kidding…you’re the best) In all seriousness, I was having a conversation with a close friend about how all the books and articles on dating had screwed us up. Just a quick search through Amazon.com will reveal that there are an insane amount of books purporting to be the authoritative scripture on dating. As an analytical and practical person, research and preparation seems like the best solution for any obstacle. So I’ve studied up. In the past couple years, I’ve read a few of books and blog posts. I’ve listened to audiobooks and podcasts. And after all of that research, I’ve discovered one universal truth: No one has a damn clue what they’re talking about.
When I was a freshman in college I was talking to my best friend about dating and I made a prediction. I said I wouldn’t be married by 30 and I honestly couldn’t imagine when and how I’d get married. “I’m just not that type of girl” I explained. “I’m not marriage material”. It’s not that I don’t want to get married. The idea of finding a life partner who I love and who loves me who I can do awesome stuff with sounds amazing. But sitting in my friend’s apartment as a teenager I predicted that I would be broken up with and exchanged for an easier less-challenging model for most of my adult life. As I explained it, I was too much. Too complicated. Too crazy. Too driven. Too intimidating…and, simply put, guys don’t want that.
All dating apps have been deleted from my phone. Goodbye “Tinder” (yuck!). Goodbye “Hinge” (I hardly knew ya!). Goodbye “How About We?” (I never quite understood this one.). Goodbye “Coffee Meets Bagel.” (What does that phrase even mean?) I’ve deleted my OKCupid, Match.com and eHarmony accounts. Truthfully, I haven’t been on date since February but the deletion of all dating apps and online profiles formally cements my move to completely implement a fullstop “dating moratorium”. There are several reasons I’ve decided to stop actively looking to date anyone:
The advice many of us receive after a failed relationship is: learn the lesson. What did this relationship teach you? How will you approach your next relationship differently? Personally, I think this type of self-reflection is healthy and helpful. When entering your next relationship it’s important to have some idea what you want out of the relationship, what you bring to the relationship and what you want your partner to contribute to the relationship.
If you poke around on this little blog, you’ll quickly realize that my last relationship did not go well. The relationship was a mistake. But it happened. And it ended. Unfortunately many people seem as if they’ve remained stuck in the “happening” of an especially damaging, unfulfilling or heartbreaking experience. They are mired in the sludge of the past and insist on projecting their past onto their future suitors. Continue reading