Oh hey. Hi. Hello.

So I know what you’re thinking?

Damn, girl. Where have you BEEN?

I know. I know. I have no excuse.

I’ve been here. In Chicago. Working. Working out. Drinking wine. Re-watching my favorite indie films because I’m a hipster who lives in Logan Square. I’m kidding. I used to be a member of the Junior League and own too much Lilly Pulitzer to truly be a hipster. But that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna try my hardest.  I own a bunch of graphic t-shirts and drink bourbon. Does that count?

I realize I only wrote occasionally last year and vowed to rectify that issue this year. As it’s late March and this is my first post of the year, I’m off to a roaring start. But, in all fairness, doesn’t it still feel like the year JUST started? Anyway, I had been contemplating for months about what direction I wanted to take this blog. I had thought about truly sitting down and goal-setting about the blog. You know. Creating a vision board with a whole plan. But I realized that I’m 35 and I never vision board anything. And, let’s be real, I probably won’t start now.

Then I finally came to a realization: I do this for fun. So I should just write about whatever I want, whenever I want and stop thinking so hard about the “direction” of the blog.  It can be about any and all of the things that are important to me. And lucky for you, the things that are important to me just happen to be complaining about dating, drinking wine, listening to podcasts, Sweet Tart jelly beans (YOU HEARD ME CORRECTLY. THEY ARE EVERYTHING. NO. YOU CALM DOWN.), politics, women’s issues, and drinking wine (already said that one.)

I don’t do New Years resolutions. Clearly.  If I did, I would already be falling woefully behind on all of them. But I did write a few “guiding principles” for 2017 on a post-it note.  Then I accidentally threw the post-in note in the trash so here are the “guiding principles”  I recall from memory: Continue reading

Resolutions are for Suckers

It’s 2017 in a few days and this year has been a doozy. Personally? It was pretty chill. I worked. I worked out. I saw my friends and family. But since I’m an emotional goober who pays attention to everything, feels deeply and cries at inappropriate times, I really felt this one. (Ask anyone who saw me on election night. I cussed out an uber driver and drank more wine than the law allows). Continue reading

“So why are you still single?”

I hear that question on a consistent basis. As a “woman of a certain age”, the question has a negative connotation and people often blurt it out without thinking.  The question implies that there is something wrong with me because I’m in my mid-thirties and single.  Perhaps people use the question as a space filler. Perhaps the question is the result of tired and moldy heteronormative and patriarchal tradition that by my age I should be married with children. Perhaps people are just nosy.  Perhaps it’s a compliment because I’m just so fabulous, it’s hard to fathom that I’d be single.  Whatever the reason for the question, it’s annoying, antiquated, and offensive.

And, frankly, the answer is complicated. Or, maybe, the answer is very simple. The answer is: “life happens”. That would seem simple enough but what does that mean exactly? I started thinking about why I was single and made a list.

So…why am I (at almost 35 – ALMOST 35!) still single?

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Token Tales

Just a warning: brace yourself. I have a lot to say. Continue reading

Guyatus: Over

*Jay-Z voice *

Allow me to reintroduce myself.

I know what you’re thinking. Damn, girl, where have you been? It’s been over six months. Yeah, girl, I know. I have a calendar. Okay let me not be snarky. But, seriously, I haven’t been doing much. I’ve been working, working out, drinking copious amounts of wine and I finally watched all of Game of Thrones (I was able to watch the current season in real time. This by far is one of my greatest achievements).

Essentially I’ve been on “Guy-atus” for nearly ten months. Ugh, I could have had a baby by now, you guys. Just kidding. I’m not responsible enough to be anyone’s mother. Let me be as clear as possible: this was not the plan. I never thought I’d go ten months without any dates. (OK. OK. I went on one date and I keep forgetting it happened. Relax. The feeling was definitely mutual.)

Dating in the 21st century is brutal. And dating as a 6’2” highly educated, super pretty (hey!), black lawyer is even harder (Wait. Was that a humblebrag?). As I tipsily announced in some random ultra lounge in Washington, D.C.: “I’m a unicorn and life as a unicorn is hard.” (I need to get that on a shirt ASAP).

when-she-laments-dating-pool

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A new direction

After months of silence, like a phoenix rising from the ashes I’m returning (in the form of a newsletter).  If you want to follow the journey, please follow the link below. I’m *still* trying to figure out what I’m going to do with this space but, until then, I’m gonna keep writing about anything and everything that enters my ol’ noggin. Cool? Cool. Miss ya. Love ya.

https://tinyletter.com/74inchesoflady

P.T.S.Don’t

Fake it ’til you make it. The mantra is repeated by therapists, self-help gurus, your mom, and your friend who shops exclusively a fair trade boutiques.  And if you’ve ever been through adversity, trauma, uncertainty, etc., you know the mantra well and you also know that it is true.  Without going into detail (I’ll save that for another day), I had a triggering event a few days ago that left me a bit out of sorts (which is a phrase I absolutely love). I began feeling that shaky uncertainty and anxiety that I was all too familiar with.  I like to call that feeling “Anxious Mc-Shakerton”. Continue reading

So If We’re Talking Body…

My mom used to tell me that life didn’t get really good until your 30s. When I was in my 20s, I didn’t understand what she meant.  At the time, I couldn’t imagine life being more awesome. But now that I’m approaching my mid-30s,  I fully understand what she meant.  My 30s have been rough emotionally and professionally but I feel happier with myself than I’ve ever been.  I realized that I spent most of my teens and 20s, not unlike most women, grappling with low self-esteem and confidence issues.    In less than six months, I’ll enter my mid-30s and I’ve never felt more confident.  Most of my life I felt like I got hit with a body trifecta that made me hyper-sensitive and self-consciousness but ultimately for which I am supremely grateful.  There is no way I’d be the confident, happy human being I am today if I weren’t three things: female, Black and super-duper tall. The point of this post isn’t that the key to happiness is being a 6’2″ black woman. Because if that was the key to happiness about 2% of the population would be happy. The point of this post is that there is unquantifiable power and strength in embracing who you are.  I have been discriminated against, harassed, objectified, dehumanized and assaulted based on who I am. But I’ve learned that the problem isn’t me. I’m awesome. The simple truth is that some people are ignorant, some people haven’t met any minorities and just don’t know what they’re saying or doing and some people just plain suck. But, at the end of the day, none of those people’s opinion about me matter. I determine my self-worth.  Continue reading

Be Your Own Prince Charming

When I was 22 years old, someone asked me why I wanted to go to law school. I gave a very lengthy explanation much of which I remember verbatim; however, the final few sentences stuck out to me. At the time I didn’t understand how important the statements were or how true they would become. I said them with all the confidence and naivety of a 22 year old with zero life experience but lofty goals and an idealized notion of what the real world would be: “I’m also going to law school so I can have a career and be independent. I can’t depend on finding some Prince Charming who is going to save and take care of me. I have to be my own Prince Charming.”’

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