The List

About a month ago a close friend and I each put together lists of what we’re looking for in our future husbands. I’ve never engaged in this type of exercise before and, frankly, never thought much about what I was looking for in my future husband. I trusted in the universe and just believed that I’d know it when I saw it.  I’d meet a guy, be hit by cupid’s arrow and automatically know he was the man for me.  I’m going to be 32 in 21 days and I must say, “Ay yo, Cupid! Where you at?”  

I figured it was worth a shot to write down what I was looking for as a way of figuring  out what attributes in a partner were important to me.  Additionally, I was curious to see what I would come with. I am in no way saying that my future husband must have every single attribute on this list but if I could get a majority of things listed I’d be trending in the right direction.  I decided to share it because I’m a firm believer in manifesting, throwing things into the universe and seeing what happens (Oh, universe. Can I get one of these, please?) Plus, I wanted to provide fodder for mockery for years from now when the real thing resembles nothing on this list.

  • Over 6 feet tall (this one isn’t a deal breaker – I’d be fine with 5’10”)
  • Already pursuing his career
  • Must like sports (specifically football)
  • Can work a room
  • Enjoys nerdy things (ideally either Star Wars, Star Trek and/or Lord of the Rings)
  • Not pretentious
  • Confident
  • Not threatened by my career ambitions
  • Good manners
  • Thoughtful
  • Good relationship with his family and friends
  • Responsive (I know you saw my text message, boy.)
  • Foodie – or at least open to trying new restaurants and not overly picky about cuisine
  • Enjoys wine
  • Adventurous (as open to a camping trip as a sight-seeing trip to Paris)
  • Must have hobbies
  • Culturally conscious – either through volunteer work or donating to a cause he believes in
  • Witty
  • Must understand my humor
  • No neck or face tattoos
  • No bad facial hair (for example)
  • Appreciation for art
  • Appreciation for music and enjoys going to concerts
  • Must like eggs and oysters (not together)
  • Not hung up on ex-girlfriends
  • Has informed opinions
  • Acknowledgement of his crap and actively working on his crap

  • No drugs
  • No video games
  • Similar social views
  • Holds at least a bachelor’s degree from an accredited university (exceptions made in rare circumstances. See: Here and/or here).
  • Not freaked out by crying (because women cry).

  • Not condescending or patronizing
  • Enjoys cooking (or at least will help in the kitchen).
  • Wants to get married (Ideally to me – but I mean someone who isn’t frightened by the concept of marriage)
  • Has professional goals and seeks out professional mentors
  • Must like dogs
  • Comfortable in his own skin
  • Not judgmental
  • Enjoys city living
  • Must be okay with settling down in the following metropolitan areas: New York City, Washington, D.C.,  San Francisco, Los Angeles or Chicago
  • No porn addiction (well, no addictions period).

  • Body conscious
  • Likes the theatre
  • Not messy
  • Must like brunch (totally important)
  • Spiritual not religious, atheist or agnostic
  • Non-WASP (I’ll admit it. This one was completely reactionary and petty – I might get rid of this one). – EDIT – By WASP I meant a “WASPy” affectation not that I won’t date white guys. Just wanted to clear that one up. And, on that note, if you know anyone…
  • Respectful to his parents
  • Inspirational
  • No prison time
  • Good travel partner – must either drive, make good playlists, know short cuts or enjoy roadside diners
  • Shops along with me for home décor (Truth be told: all you’d have to do is stand about 2 feet from me as I hold up things while you nod and say, “Yeah. Sure. That would look great in the foyer.”)
  • Broad social circles – friends from different walks of life and from different phases of your life
  • Looks amazing in a suit (sigh)
  • Good hygiene
  • Attractive to me (I’m being serious here)
  • Able to be goofy with me – I have a lot of inside jokes and do a very weird sing-songy thing when I’m comfortable with people (If you’ve never heard it, I’m not comfortable with you. I’m sorry. And I’m sure we’ll get closer very soon. Call me. We need to catch up).
  • Takes care of me when I’m sick
  • Decisive
  • Laid back
  • Open-minded
  • Not disrespectful of where I grew up (If you hate on California, I don’t have time for you).

If you made it all the way down here, bless you. Also, as a special reward, you get a little music too. It IS Bump Day after all.  In honor of Jordan Catalano Jared Leto’s Oscar win, here’s Thirty Seconds to Mars’ cover of “Stay”.

6 thoughts on “The List

  1. Corey says:

    Well, I would have been disqualified because I don’t like eggs, and I’m kinda white.

    • LPB says:

      I did say that my future husband only needs to have many of the attributes on the list not all of them. Oh and I don’t recall putting a racial preference on the list. You really must not have clicked on the links.

      • Corey says:

        I was keying off the W in WASP. Technically I am all those letters, but maybe you meant a certain WASPy affectation, which I certainly don’t have. 🙂

        I think I meet all the other attributes though. Except I am happily married for… 12 years now. But I thought maybe it would be encouraging to know that qualified people exist. Best of luck!

      • LPB says:

        I definitely meant a WASPy affectation. Had a bad experience and it created an aversion to it. It’s like if you have food poisoning, you tend to stay away from a certain food. Kinda. Sorta.

        On that note, I need to add “not married” to the list too.

  2. […] few months ago I put together a non-exhaustive list of qualities I’m looking for in my future partner. Of course, the list was aspirational and as […]

  3. […] to the Script – About a year ago, I made a list about all the things I’m looking for in a potential partner. I made the list partially in jest. […]

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