Author Archives: LPB

Uh, I think this needs a trigger warning.

In the early days of 2014, I was suicidal. I’ve asked multiple health professionals if that is an accurate term for the incident. I don’t want to be overly dramatic. I also don’t want to minimize the topic and invalidate other people’s experiences or emotions. I tried to commit suicide and my attempt was stopped. No need to ask for details because I’m not gonna give you any. I’m sure someone else would be game to provide a play-by-play of their failed suicide attempt. But, in the annals of retelling the lurid details of foiled suicide attempts, I’m certainly not your girl.

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So what next?

I was talking with a friend the other day. In response to the old tried and true question: “What’s new with you?” I replied: “Nothing. Literally nothing has changed for me. I feel as if you’d asked me this question four years ago my answer would be identical. Absolutely nothing in my life has changed.”

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Obvi Not A Mommy Blogger

Over the last few months (okay more than that) people have asked me why I haven’t written any blog posts. And honestly, I didn’t have a real answer. Most of my blog had been focused on dating and what it was like to be single. And at some point last year, I decided that that subject matter was boring and I had nothing else to offer on the topic. When I started the blog I had been in relationships my entire adult life and had no concept of how dating worked and what online dating apps were. So when I started the blog, readers were able to gawk at me experiencing this whole brand new dating landscape. Somewhere along the way it became boring. I had nothing else to say. I don’t like dating. I don’t like dating apps. And my blog had become stale and I began to feel unmotivated. There are only so many ways to say: “dating is trash, y’all”.

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Oh hey. Hi. Hello.

So I know what you’re thinking?

Damn, girl. Where have you BEEN?

I know. I know. I have no excuse.

I’ve been here. In Chicago. Working. Working out. Drinking wine. Re-watching my favorite indie films because I’m a hipster who lives in Logan Square. I’m kidding. I used to be a member of the Junior League and own too much Lilly Pulitzer to truly be a hipster. But that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna try my hardest.  I own a bunch of graphic t-shirts and drink bourbon. Does that count?

I realize I only wrote occasionally last year and vowed to rectify that issue this year. As it’s late March and this is my first post of the year, I’m off to a roaring start. But, in all fairness, doesn’t it still feel like the year JUST started? Anyway, I had been contemplating for months about what direction I wanted to take this blog. I had thought about truly sitting down and goal-setting about the blog. You know. Creating a vision board with a whole plan. But I realized that I’m 35 and I never vision board anything. And, let’s be real, I probably won’t start now.

Then I finally came to a realization: I do this for fun. So I should just write about whatever I want, whenever I want and stop thinking so hard about the “direction” of the blog.  It can be about any and all of the things that are important to me. And lucky for you, the things that are important to me just happen to be complaining about dating, drinking wine, listening to podcasts, Sweet Tart jelly beans (YOU HEARD ME CORRECTLY. THEY ARE EVERYTHING. NO. YOU CALM DOWN.), politics, women’s issues, and drinking wine (already said that one.)

I don’t do New Years resolutions. Clearly.  If I did, I would already be falling woefully behind on all of them. But I did write a few “guiding principles” for 2017 on a post-it note.  Then I accidentally threw the post-in note in the trash so here are the “guiding principles”  I recall from memory: Continue reading

Resolutions are for Suckers

It’s 2017 in a few days and this year has been a doozy. Personally? It was pretty chill. I worked. I worked out. I saw my friends and family. But since I’m an emotional goober who pays attention to everything, feels deeply and cries at inappropriate times, I really felt this one. (Ask anyone who saw me on election night. I cussed out an uber driver and drank more wine than the law allows). Continue reading

“So why are you still single?”

I hear that question on a consistent basis. As a “woman of a certain age”, the question has a negative connotation and people often blurt it out without thinking.  The question implies that there is something wrong with me because I’m in my mid-thirties and single.  Perhaps people use the question as a space filler. Perhaps the question is the result of tired and moldy heteronormative and patriarchal tradition that by my age I should be married with children. Perhaps people are just nosy.  Perhaps it’s a compliment because I’m just so fabulous, it’s hard to fathom that I’d be single.  Whatever the reason for the question, it’s annoying, antiquated, and offensive.

And, frankly, the answer is complicated. Or, maybe, the answer is very simple. The answer is: “life happens”. That would seem simple enough but what does that mean exactly? I started thinking about why I was single and made a list.

So…why am I (at almost 35 – ALMOST 35!) still single?

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Token Tales

Just a warning: brace yourself. I have a lot to say. Continue reading

Guyatus: Over

*Jay-Z voice *

Allow me to reintroduce myself.

I know what you’re thinking. Damn, girl, where have you been? It’s been over six months. Yeah, girl, I know. I have a calendar. Okay let me not be snarky. But, seriously, I haven’t been doing much. I’ve been working, working out, drinking copious amounts of wine and I finally watched all of Game of Thrones (I was able to watch the current season in real time. This by far is one of my greatest achievements).

Essentially I’ve been on “Guy-atus” for nearly ten months. Ugh, I could have had a baby by now, you guys. Just kidding. I’m not responsible enough to be anyone’s mother. Let me be as clear as possible: this was not the plan. I never thought I’d go ten months without any dates. (OK. OK. I went on one date and I keep forgetting it happened. Relax. The feeling was definitely mutual.)

Dating in the 21st century is brutal. And dating as a 6’2” highly educated, super pretty (hey!), black lawyer is even harder (Wait. Was that a humblebrag?). As I tipsily announced in some random ultra lounge in Washington, D.C.: “I’m a unicorn and life as a unicorn is hard.” (I need to get that on a shirt ASAP).


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A new direction

After months of silence, like a phoenix rising from the ashes I’m returning (in the form of a newsletter).  If you want to follow the journey, please follow the link below. I’m *still* trying to figure out what I’m going to do with this space but, until then, I’m gonna keep writing about anything and everything that enters my ol’ noggin. Cool? Cool. Miss ya. Love ya.