When I was 22 years old, someone asked me why I wanted to go to law school. I gave a very lengthy explanation much of which I remember verbatim; however, the final few sentences stuck out to me. At the time I didn’t understand how important the statements were or how true they would become. I said them with all the confidence and naivety of a 22 year old with zero life experience but lofty goals and an idealized notion of what the real world would be: “I’m also going to law school so I can have a career and be independent. I can’t depend on finding some Prince Charming who is going to save and take care of me. I have to be my own Prince Charming.”’
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I want this blog to become and I haven’t come to a conclusion. I do, however, know what I don’t want to do anymore so I figured that was a good place to start. I’m done writing about dating. Over the past year, my feelings about dating, relationships and the like have changed dramatically. I don’t know what is going to happen to me in that area of my life and I don’t care. And I don’t want to write about it anymore.
Essentially all I want is this: a partner who I think is awesome and who thinks I am awesome and we can do awesome shit together. And that’s all. (OK — that’s not “all” – I have a height, educational and beard requirement but that is SO not the point of this post). I don’t know if I’ll get married. I don’t know if I want to. I don’t know if I want children anymore. But I don’t want this to be a space for me mentally working through that decision making process.
So what am I supposed to write about now? I’m single but don’t want to talk about dating or romance. I don’t have children so I can’t write about that. I could write about other people’s children but…GIVE ME A BREAK. There are several reasons I’d never do that: (1) it’s creepy; (2) I’m not maternal at all; (3) I know nothing about children and (4) did I mention that it’s creepy!?! I don’t do any DIY stuff so this can’t become a DIY blog where I teach you how to make fun centerpieces with a treasure trove of knick knacks purchased from Michael’s. First, I don’t know where the nearest Michael’s is located. Second, I’m not crafty. Third, I don’t want to get glitter all over my apartment. I don’t cook much any more so this can’t become a cooking blog. Truth be told, I used to cook a lot but cooking for one is depressing and it’s much quicker to eat a bowl of fruit, have a glass of wine and call it a day. That being said, this clearly will not become a nutrition blog. The market for foodie blogs has been cornered. My voice isn’t needed in that arena. I’m not fashionable so this can’t become a fashion blog. Unless you want to see 30 different variations on the “black shift dress with flats and a sensible sweater because the office is cold” look.
Where does that leave me? What should I write about? This question brings me to my main thesis. I went to law school with the intention of becoming my own “Prince Charming” but what does that mean? To me, becoming my own “Prince Charming” means:
- building a life I enjoy
- investing in myself personally, socially and professionally
- standing up for myself
- not putting down other women or being jealous of other women
- living without fear
- working hard on overcoming self-doubt, self-esteem issues and lack of self-confidence
- carefully seeking an equal partner not just someone to pass the time
- knowing when to fight battles and when to walk away
All that being said, I think I’m achieving the lofty goal I flippantly set out for myself more than a decade ago. There have been multiple set backs and roadblocks but I’ve remained true to my word many years later. And I want a blog that accurately reflects who I am now and not the fact that Tinder is a crappy app. (That’s a fact. Look it up.)
So what do I do now? I’ll write what I love and what I know. I work out a lot, spend copious amounts of time reading about women’s issues, love music and pop culture and think I’m hilarious. So, for now, I’ll stick with that. On that note:
P.S. As an aside, I was talking to my friend about transitioning this space into a blog devoted to feminism and women’s issues. Then I quickly said, “I’m sure no one would want to date me if I did that.” Then I thought about it, if a guy read a bunch of my feminist “rantings” and thought, “I want to spend time getting to know her” that is PRECISELY the type of guy I want to spend time around.
P.P.S I made you a playlist; there’s some emo meaning behind it but you don’t care about all that crap just pump the jams. (Do people still say that?)