Category Archives: Dating

Not Marriage Material

When I was a freshman in college I was talking to my best friend about dating and I made a prediction. I said I wouldn’t be married by 30 and I honestly couldn’t imagine when and how I’d get married. “I’m just not that type of girl” I explained. “I’m not marriage material”. It’s not that I don’t want to get married. The idea of finding a life partner who I love and who loves me who I can do awesome stuff with sounds amazing. But sitting in my friend’s apartment as a teenager I predicted that I would be broken up with and exchanged for an easier less-challenging model for most of my adult life.  As I explained it, I was too much. Too complicated. Too crazy. Too driven. Too intimidating…and, simply put, guys don’t want that.

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Dating Moratorium

All dating apps have been deleted from my phone. Goodbye “Tinder” (yuck!). Goodbye “Hinge” (I hardly knew ya!). Goodbye “How About We?” (I never quite understood this one.). Goodbye “Coffee Meets Bagel.” (What does that phrase even mean?) I’ve deleted my OKCupid, and eHarmony accounts. Truthfully, I haven’t been on date since February but the deletion of all dating apps and online profiles formally cements my move to completely implement a fullstop “dating moratorium”. There are several reasons I’ve decided to stop actively looking to date anyone:

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Living Single

It’s official. I’ve been single for approximately a year (give or take a month). While, yes, it’s not a very long time, it’s the longest I’ve been single in my working adult life. I was talking to a guy friend about this and he remarked that my singlehood is completely within my control. His words were simply, “You’re single by choice.” He might have a point. (Or more likely he had had too many bloody marys). So I started thinking: what choices am I making that are keeping me single? Once in a while I’ll tweet (jokingly, of course) about the reasons I’m single.  So, I’ve decide to compile a list. You be the judge: Continue reading

You’re Damaged. I’m Damaged. We’re All Damaged.

The advice many of us receive after a failed relationship is: learn the lesson. What did this relationship teach you? How will you approach your next relationship differently? Personally, I think this type of self-reflection is healthy and helpful.  When entering your next relationship it’s important to have some idea what you want out of the relationship, what you bring to the relationship and what you want your partner to contribute to the relationship.

If you poke around on this little blog, you’ll quickly realize that my last relationship did not go well.  The relationship was a mistake. But it happened. And it ended. Unfortunately many people seem as if they’ve remained stuck in the “happening” of an especially damaging, unfulfilling or heartbreaking experience.  They are mired in the sludge of the past and insist on projecting their past onto their future suitors.  Continue reading

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The List

About a month ago a close friend and I each put together lists of what we’re looking for in our future husbands. I’ve never engaged in this type of exercise before and, frankly, never thought much about what I was looking for in my future husband. I trusted in the universe and just believed that I’d know it when I saw it.  I’d meet a guy, be hit by cupid’s arrow and automatically know he was the man for me.  I’m going to be 32 in 21 days and I must say, “Ay yo, Cupid! Where you at?”   Continue reading