74 Inches of Pure Lady

All dating apps have been deleted from my phone. Goodbye “Tinder” (yuck!). Goodbye “Hinge” (I hardly knew ya!). Goodbye “How About We?” (I never quite understood this one.). Goodbye “Coffee Meets Bagel.” (What does that phrase even mean?) I’ve deleted my OKCupid, Match.com and eHarmony accounts. Truthfully, I haven’t been on date since February but the deletion of all dating apps and online profiles formally cements my move to completely implement a fullstop “dating moratorium”. There are several reasons I’ve decided to stop actively looking to date anyone:

Online dating sucks – I know everyone has that friend. The friend who met their husband or wife on Match.com or eHarmony. I’ve heard that it happens. In fact, I know it happens. One of my closest friends met her now husband on Match.com. So I have direct proof that online dating can be successful. But, realistically, if my close friend met her husband on Match.com then the odds are stacked against me having the same luck. Statistically I don’t think it’s possible. I think you’re allowed one “My close friend met her husband on an online dating site and/or app” per friend group. So I’m out of luck.

I’m traumatized – Online dating brings out the freaks and creeps. Bathroom selfies. Socially awkward weirdos. I meet plenty of freaks and creeps in real life without the help of technology. Online dating only exacerbates the number of creeps and freaks to which I’m exposed. No thanks.

I’ve been on a losing streak – My past year and a half of dating has been abysmal. There are plenty of reasons why that is the case. No need to elaborate here but, rest assured, I think it’s time for a self-imposed time out.

I pulled a Taylor Swift and I need a time out – I’ve talked about a certain ex from time to time on the blog (here and here). I’ve realized that my public overtures were akin to a blog version of multiple Taylor Swift albums.  And we all know what happens to Taylor Swift.  She ends up alone.  Her exes end up freaked out. I made an explicit power play for this particular person and received subtle but clear messages to go kick rocks. Message received, bud. Rocks will be kicked. You don’t need to tell me twice. I thoroughly ruined my last real relationship and I’m not sure I should be back on the market to crash and burn with a new person.

Look! She’s alone and sad!

It happens when you least expect it – I hate this line as much as the next single person. I’ve heard it plenty of times as a single woman. I’ve said plenty of times as a smug supposedly knowledgeable person in a relationship. (Clearly I was not to be trusted). My longest relationships have started in the most unlikely ways.  By contrast, I’ve had horrible results anytime I’ve pursued anyone or decided to actively seek out someone to date.  So, with that said, I won’t expect it. In fact, I’ll stop expecting anything. Ever. We’ll see where that mindset gets me…

Tumblr, Wine and Netflix – All so much better than dating.