Category Archives: Dudes

A Year Without Dating

Selena Gomez had the iconic tune “A Year Without Rain”. What? You don’t remember that one? Anyway, I’m celebrating a year anniversary myself. I haven’t been on a date in a year. One whole year. No dates. I told my friend about this milestone and she said, “Oh come on! That’s not possible.” Oh, contraire mon ami. It is way true. I took this selfie before my last date.

I was really hopeful about this one...

      I was really hopeful about this one…

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The Rules

Jordin Sparks appropriately described love as a “battlefield”. (Yes, I just quoted Jordin Sparks and, yes, Pat Benatar did it first but I don’t know what the demo for this blog is). And there is something disarmingly appropriate about this analogy. Every part of dating from the initial contact, to setting up dates, the dates themselves and figuring out when things are “official” are separate anxiety inducing micro-dramas.  You can drive yourself crazy analyzing every single text message or awkward silence. One thing I’ve learned from 32 years of life is that dating doesn’t need to be difficult at all. I started a list of my “rules” for dating and created a practical checklist for dating that I will religiously adhere to (the next time I actually start dating someone). Continue reading

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Not Marriage Material

When I was a freshman in college I was talking to my best friend about dating and I made a prediction. I said I wouldn’t be married by 30 and I honestly couldn’t imagine when and how I’d get married. “I’m just not that type of girl” I explained. “I’m not marriage material”. It’s not that I don’t want to get married. The idea of finding a life partner who I love and who loves me who I can do awesome stuff with sounds amazing. But sitting in my friend’s apartment as a teenager I predicted that I would be broken up with and exchanged for an easier less-challenging model for most of my adult life.  As I explained it, I was too much. Too complicated. Too crazy. Too driven. Too intimidating…and, simply put, guys don’t want that.

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Dating Moratorium

All dating apps have been deleted from my phone. Goodbye “Tinder” (yuck!). Goodbye “Hinge” (I hardly knew ya!). Goodbye “How About We?” (I never quite understood this one.). Goodbye “Coffee Meets Bagel.” (What does that phrase even mean?) I’ve deleted my OKCupid, and eHarmony accounts. Truthfully, I haven’t been on date since February but the deletion of all dating apps and online profiles formally cements my move to completely implement a fullstop “dating moratorium”. There are several reasons I’ve decided to stop actively looking to date anyone:

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So What Are You Looking For?

A few months ago I put together a non-exhaustive list of qualities I’m looking for in my future partner. Of course, the list was aspirational and as anyone who has ever been in love can tell you: it happens when you least expect it and, further, you never know who you’ll fall in love with. There is no way of predicting who will be my best potential husband. And, certainly, strictly adhering to a checklist won’t help me get closer to finding a husband. I made the list with a friend as a funny activity to fill a Friday night and while I do think many of the items on the list are important, I believed that substance trumps form when it comes to love. That being said, I’ve decided to focus on exactly how I want my next relationship to look and feel and less about the form that relationship will come in. Which begs the question: how do I want my next relationship to look and feel? Continue reading

Living Single

It’s official. I’ve been single for approximately a year (give or take a month). While, yes, it’s not a very long time, it’s the longest I’ve been single in my working adult life. I was talking to a guy friend about this and he remarked that my singlehood is completely within my control. His words were simply, “You’re single by choice.” He might have a point. (Or more likely he had had too many bloody marys). So I started thinking: what choices am I making that are keeping me single? Once in a while I’ll tweet (jokingly, of course) about the reasons I’m single.  So, I’ve decide to compile a list. You be the judge: Continue reading

You’re Damaged. I’m Damaged. We’re All Damaged.

The advice many of us receive after a failed relationship is: learn the lesson. What did this relationship teach you? How will you approach your next relationship differently? Personally, I think this type of self-reflection is healthy and helpful.  When entering your next relationship it’s important to have some idea what you want out of the relationship, what you bring to the relationship and what you want your partner to contribute to the relationship.

If you poke around on this little blog, you’ll quickly realize that my last relationship did not go well.  The relationship was a mistake. But it happened. And it ended. Unfortunately many people seem as if they’ve remained stuck in the “happening” of an especially damaging, unfulfilling or heartbreaking experience.  They are mired in the sludge of the past and insist on projecting their past onto their future suitors.  Continue reading

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The List

About a month ago a close friend and I each put together lists of what we’re looking for in our future husbands. I’ve never engaged in this type of exercise before and, frankly, never thought much about what I was looking for in my future husband. I trusted in the universe and just believed that I’d know it when I saw it.  I’d meet a guy, be hit by cupid’s arrow and automatically know he was the man for me.  I’m going to be 32 in 21 days and I must say, “Ay yo, Cupid! Where you at?”   Continue reading

That Fairy Tale Ending…

…Isn’t going to happen this time. The final vestige of a long road has dissipated into the wind.  A chapter is closed.  It’s unfortunate and jarring but not wholly unexpected.  But, this is life and there is no cinematic Hollywood ending.

I’m Addicted to Fairy Tales

Having A Marnie Moment

For the most part everything has happened easily. Yes, I’m 6’2”. Yes, I ended up in private school with a bunch of people I didn’t really know and barely had any close friends in high school. But that being said, the last harrowing chapter of my life ended in 2000. Sure, there have been some minor set-backs (see below if you’re curious).  But for the most part my adult life had been smooth sailing. I’d worked my butt off in school and all other areas of my life.  In return for my hard work I was rewarded with: an athletic scholarship to USC, two back-to-back well-paying prestigious law firm jobs, the opportunity to live in cities all over the country, fun and diverse friendships, two back-to-back stable, healthy and loving multi-year relationships with two very different men. It was a good story. It was a stable story. It was a safe story.  My current reality, in early 2014 and staring my 32nd birthday in the face, is nowhere near good, stable or safe.

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