This week marks a very special milestone. This week two years ago I became a single lady and I’ve stayed single since. It’s my longest single stint in my adult life. Beyond being single, I’ve been through a lot professionally and personally in the past two years. I moved to Washington, D.C. and by early 2014 I was back in Chicago. I arrived back in Chicago with no job, no place to live and no idea what would happen next. This time last year I was single, jobless and living on my friend’s couch. It was the ultimate piece of humble pie for a girl who had never had a problem finding a boyfriend, had a well-paying job, and had previously been living in an impossibly expensive apartment in Adams Morgan (and before that a huge apartment in a Chicago highrise and before that owned her own condo in Indianapolis – so, yeah, HUGE BIG HEAPING SLICE OF HUMBLE DAMN PIE). So two years down, what have I learned? Continue reading
#SorryNotSorry aka Mercury Is In Retrograde
Mercury is in retrograde. And it’s been a wacky past few weeks. I’m not religious. I don’t read my horoscope. But, based on the last few weeks, I’m beginning to think there might be something to this chaotic time of year. The planet that rules our communication is out of wack and we all lose our minds. We start speaking our truths at inopportune times or acting in ways that are a little out of character. While some crazy things have happened, I have had some introspective moments as well. Jamie Foxx says to “Blame it on the Alcohol”. I say blame this post on Mercury: Continue reading
About A Boy
I started writing on a Sunday afternoon. The temperature was in the mid-40s. It was the last day of May. The sky was cloudy and the air was cold. It felt like the perfect time to listen to Johnnyswim and Houndmouth (look it up people. I’m not your personal Google) and write a convoluted post. I apologize in advance for this one. That apology is far-reaching and even extends internally. I have the sneaking suspicion I’ll be mortified by this post a year from now but, for reasons beyond my own comprehension, I felt compelled to write it. So here we go: Continue reading
Who wants to date the tall black lady?
The answer? Not too many people.
Before I go too far with this post, I do want to preface it with an explanation. This post is not a viral plea for people to flood social media to pump up my ego. I do not truly believe that I’m the most unattractive woman in Chicago but the idea for this post sprang from a conversation I was having with a close friend. I started to wonder if statistically I possessed the least attractive traits for a woman and, in turn, was one of the least attractive single females in the dating pool.
Taking a Dip in the Online Dating Pool
I put a toe back into the online dating pool and I’m *this* close to tapping out once again. You guys didn’t tell me it was so damn rough in these waters. Online dating apps have not improved. In pure “me” form, I’ve put together a list of why I’m thinking of quitting online dating again after only a couple months. Roll that beautiful bean footage (10 points if you get the reference):
A Year Without Dating
Selena Gomez had the iconic tune “A Year Without Rain”. What? You don’t remember that one? Anyway, I’m celebrating a year anniversary myself. I haven’t been on a date in a year. One whole year. No dates. I told my friend about this milestone and she said, “Oh come on! That’s not possible.” Oh, contraire mon ami. It is way true. I took this selfie before my last date.
I was really hopeful about this one…
The Comeback
I was sharing a bottle (or two) of wine with a close friend recently. She talked a little bit about some advice that someone had given her about divorce. She explained that “When you finally feel that you’re okay and ready to date, give it another six months to a year and then you’ll actually be ready.” The advice resonated with me. I did not go through a divorce. And I won’t purport to understand what divorce feels like. And I won’t flippantly compare divorce to my past two years but I will simply say that this advice succinctly and completely describes how I’ve felt.
The Rules
Jordin Sparks appropriately described love as a “battlefield”. (Yes, I just quoted Jordin Sparks and, yes, Pat Benatar did it first but I don’t know what the demo for this blog is). And there is something disarmingly appropriate about this analogy. Every part of dating from the initial contact, to setting up dates, the dates themselves and figuring out when things are “official” are separate anxiety inducing micro-dramas. You can drive yourself crazy analyzing every single text message or awkward silence. One thing I’ve learned from 32 years of life is that dating doesn’t need to be difficult at all. I started a list of my “rules” for dating and created a practical checklist for dating that I will religiously adhere to (the next time I actually start dating someone). Continue reading
Not Marriage Material
When I was a freshman in college I was talking to my best friend about dating and I made a prediction. I said I wouldn’t be married by 30 and I honestly couldn’t imagine when and how I’d get married. “I’m just not that type of girl” I explained. “I’m not marriage material”. It’s not that I don’t want to get married. The idea of finding a life partner who I love and who loves me who I can do awesome stuff with sounds amazing. But sitting in my friend’s apartment as a teenager I predicted that I would be broken up with and exchanged for an easier less-challenging model for most of my adult life. As I explained it, I was too much. Too complicated. Too crazy. Too driven. Too intimidating…and, simply put, guys don’t want that.
Dating Moratorium
All dating apps have been deleted from my phone. Goodbye “Tinder” (yuck!). Goodbye “Hinge” (I hardly knew ya!). Goodbye “How About We?” (I never quite understood this one.). Goodbye “Coffee Meets Bagel.” (What does that phrase even mean?) I’ve deleted my OKCupid, Match.com and eHarmony accounts. Truthfully, I haven’t been on date since February but the deletion of all dating apps and online profiles formally cements my move to completely implement a fullstop “dating moratorium”. There are several reasons I’ve decided to stop actively looking to date anyone:
74 Inches of Pure Lady 